(11)
A Fateful New Year
As 2003 dawned, President George W. Bush was standing atop the Administration pyramid watching two runaway trains steaming down opposite sides. The plans for the War in Iraq had developed an quickening rhythm of their own, as troops had started to be deployed, reservists called up, equipment and command posts shipped to the Persian Gulf, and final plans for invasion readied and war-gamed.
The new year of 2003 also brought a further division of the Bush Administration into two factions. The first faction, led by Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, were the engineers on the "War in Iraq" runaway train. They were ably assisted by their neo-con cohorts within and without the government, both in right-wing think tanks and the ever-present and always loud right-wing media.
A significant percentage of the American population was aboard the "War in Iraq" runaway train. They believed in the connection between Sadaam Hussein and al-Qaeda that had been so skillfully presented to them by the Bush Administration. They also believed that Sadaam Hussein not only possessed large quantities of WMDs, but was prepared to use them on the United States. There was still a great deal of unresolved anger and need for revenge for 9/11 among the American people. The facts didn't seem to matter. No one had time to verify the charges against the Iraqi government. That was the Bush Administration's (and the American media's) job. Brave American souls trying to point out the incredible discrepancies and ludicrous leaps in logic that were presented day after day by administration officials were shouted down and counted among the disloyal, the unpatriotic, and the traitorous.
Around the world it was much different. The few governments who had timidly voiced support of the American government's march to war were being shouted down in the streets by their own angry populations. Antiwar protests were large and loud even in London, Ottawa and Madrid places that were traditional allies of American foreign policy. Most people around the world who understood or even supported the American effort in Afghanistan did not make the leap to Iraq.
The second runaway train that George W. Bush had to concern himself with was his own mind. He was undergoing an extraordinary, almost unheard of change of thinking. The fact that he was the President of the United States on the eve of a war made it all but unfathomable. The pressure on the man was severe. As his wife had cautioned, he had to refrain from doing anything rash, because a look or a nod or a misunderstood word could have huge repercussions. On the other hand, he needed to do something quick, or the war would start with his silence being taken for tacit approval. There were already lives of Special Operations Forces, CIA officers, and Iraqi collaborators on the line.
His inner circle of advisors had shrunk now to include only his National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of State Colin Powell, Chief of Staff Andy Card, his father, his brother Jeb, his wife Laura, and Mo Levison. Of the latter, there had begun to be dark rumblings, almost certainly started by jilted Political Advisor Karl Rove, that a "new Rasputin" had infiltrated the White House. The President's unfortunate silence on the matter only fueled rumors of the wildest kind. With the blogosphere coming of age, a rumor of any kind, never mind the veracity, could spread like a virus among the wacky fringe and be picked up in time for delivery on the mainstream evening news.
It was here that George W. Bush's innate stubbornness turned a brushfire into a full-on conflagration. For rather than dealing with the issue of Mo Levison's presence in the White House head-on, the President took a confrontational, "It's none of your business who I choose to spend my private time with" stance that only made matters worse. In some ways, Mo Levison was acting the part of a modern-day Rasputin, although he would have been horrified to think of himself that way. Squired away first at Camp David, and then in the residence portion of the White House, Levison remained hidden from the main operations part of the White House, and his presence was known at first only to the President's small inner circle. This attempt at secrecy was for obvious, if misguided reasons. Mo Levison was a living billboard for the kind of causes that the right-wing loved to hate. Although he was not a well-known figure to the general public, his name carried dynamite in certain political circles, especially the ones George W. Bush walked in and depended on.
Unfortunately for the President, secrets like that had a very little chance of remaining secret, so George W. Bush found himself having to deny, and then admit that Morris Levison was a guest at the White House, followed by stonewalling as to the purpose of Levison's extended visit. This led to a slew of stories in the national press about Levison, his parents, his causes, and his friendship with the Bush family–almost forty years of quiet care down the drain. If the President had been up front about Levison in the beginning, the problem would have most likely blown over in a day or two.
Once again, the right-wing bloviators had a field day, led by El Rushbo: "First, the President invites the Left-wing Diaspora, including 'the Rev-er-end Jack-son', up to Camp David for a kooky love-in, and then, by golly, he decides to keep one of them as a pet! The pet's name is Mo, and he's a left-wing agitator, his parents were Commies, all of his friends are left-wing nutjobs, and, I gotta tell ya folks, family friend or not, somebody must be putting something in the brownies down there at the White House, because this is becoming too crazy to believe." Newt Gingrich, who had been somewhat out of the public eye for a few years, began to openly criticize the President. On Hannity & Colmes, Gingrich said, "George W. Bush was elected by conservatives to be a conservative. I don't know what he's trying to pull, but it doesn't pass the duck test."
Mo Levison begged the President to let him leave, as he was being put in an extremely awkward position, not the least with his own ideological mates, who were wondering what he was doing spending so much time with Archenemy #1. But George W. Bush was stubborn. The more people pushed, the more he dug in his heels. He had come to rely, maybe even depend, on the evening debriefing with Mo. Mo Levison was a great listener–he always had been. The President was having a difficult time even being in the same room as Cheney and Rumsfeld, and meetings were tense. He began to feel as if he needed time with Mo as a kind of tonic for the increasingly war-mongering days he was going through.
The press had begun to sense and report on the schism developing in the White House. The President had conspicuously softened his tone in recent weeks, talking about further sanctions, giving inspectors time to complete their mission as thoroughly as possible, and sending out signals of rapprochement to America's hostile allies. In another building, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld were rattling sabers and waving the flag, telling the world in no uncertain terms (although in Rumsfeld's case that was impossible) that, frankly, Iraq was in imminent danger of being swallowed whole. The administration was unofficially in two pieces.
Another problem area that George W. Bush was wrestling with was the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Attached at the hip by a gas spigot, the United States had had a unique relationship with the Desert Kingdom since World War II. From the early 1970s, the relationship might have been better described as, "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." The Saudi royals subscribed to a very conservative, fundamentalist version of Islam called Wahhabism, and this was the brand of religion most practiced in their country. They also spent billions upon billions of petrodollars exporting this brand to all corners of the Muslim world. They funded hundreds of mosques and religious schools, called madrassahs, which taught young men a strict interpretation of the Koran that many contend prepared them for jihad. It was from these madrassahs in Pakistan that the Taliban came, and Saudi Arabia was one of only three nations in the world to formally recognize the Taliban government in Afghanistan. With this background it became not surprising to learn that fifteen of the nineteen hijackers came from Saudi Arabia, and that Osama bin Laden was a Saudi. The Saudi royal family had to do an amazing job of talking out of both sides of their mouths to fund such radical fanatics on one hand, and keep their "special relationship" with the United States on the other.
The United States, for its part, had to continually turn a hypocritical blind eye to the unending efforts of rich Saudis, both in and out of government, to fund, support, and export extreme versions Islam. This was due to our utter dependence on Saudi Arabia as the Keeper of the Most Holy Places. They were not the same Holy Places that Osama bin Laden was fighting over. His were called Mecca and Medina. Our Holy Places had names such as Ghawar, Abqaiq, and Berri. These were some of the giant oilfields in Saudi Arabia. The United States (and the West in general) had been like the addict who had to constantly look past the abhorrent behavior of their spouse because the spouse supplied them with drugs. There had been more recent studies claiming that Saudi Arabia's shelves may not have been as full of drugs as once thought, so, like any good addict, the United States, as aforementioned, was looking to dump their fat and overused Saudi spouse for the virginal Iraqi model.
As of January 2003, the Bush administration still needed the good offices of the Saudi monarchy if they were going to complete their plan of remaking Iraq. The situation was tricky, sticky, and complex. The Saudi royals needed the United States to protect them from radical Islamists whose main beef was that the United States was in Saudi Arabia protecting the Saudi royals. The Saudi royals needed the United States military to leave Saudi Arabia so that the radical Islamists wouldn't attack the Saudi royals, but knew that if the United States military did leave, then they were very vulnerable to attack from radical Islamic militants. The Saudi royals paid billions of dollars to support the very jihadists who craved their demise. Not to be outdone, the United States paid billions more dollars in the 1980s to the very same jihadists to help them defeat the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. One of the main beneficiaries of all of this largesse was the primary suspect behind both 9/11 and the desire to overthrow the Saudi royals: Osama bin Laden. One of the reasons the US wanted to overthrow Sadaam Hussein was because it needed a new place to base its Middle Eastern Imperial Army, but it still needed to use the old Saudi air bases to attack from. The Saudis couldn't stand Sadaam Hussein either, but couldn't be seen as giving the Americans help to unilaterally overthrow an Arab government in a primarily Muslim nation. O, what a tangled web we weave. This Rumsfeldian web was desperately trying to be untangled by both nations, but it wasn't easy.
One constant presence in the Saudi-American relationship through the last four American presidents was the Saudi ambassador to the United States, Prince Bandar bin Sultan Abdul Aziz Al Saud. A few years younger than George W., the fabulously wealthy Prince Bandar enjoyed a particularly close relationship with the Presidents Bush. It was absolutely vital to the success of the Iraq War that Crown Prince Abdullah, who was ruling Saudi Arabia in the place of the gravely ill King Faud, sign off on the use of Saudi airbases. In order for him to do that, the Bush Administration would have to sell Prince Bandar on the idea first. The Saudis couldn't commit to the plan unless they were absolutely convinced that the United States was deadly serious about removing Saddam.
Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld got to Prince Bandar first. "No question about it, the man is toast," said Cheney.
"Burnt toast," said Rumsfeld.
"Simply stated, when we're done with Saddam Hussein, there will be a tiny spot of charcoal where he used to be," said Cheney.
"If even that," said Rumsfeld.
"His sons will be unidentifiable by even the most sophisticated of forensic scientists," said Cheney.
"CSI: Baghdad—can't solve the case," said Rumsfeld.
"His Republican Guard troops, frankly, will be chewed up and spat out like old tobacco," said Cheney.
"These Republicans will be wishing they were Democrats," said Rumsfeld.
"We will slice the Iraqi Army up swiftly, thoroughly, and relentlessly," said Cheney.
"Like a steak knife through warm custard," said Rumsfeld.
"We will destroy the Baathist regime and be home in time for supper," said Cheney.
"Wouldn't want to miss American Idol," said Rumsfeld.
Prince Bandar was impressed. He was impressed with the arrogant, macho, can-do attitude of these two old warriors. This war really seemed like it was going to happen. Before he could go back to Crown Prince Abdullah, he needed to hear confirmation from President Bush himself.
"I don't think, in fact, you need to do that," said Cheney.
"He's sick, I think, don't you, Dick?" said Rumsfeld.
"Has rabies," said Cheney.
"Very contagious rabies," said Rumsfeld.
Despite their protestations, Prince Bandar was given a meeting with the President. He had extraordinary access to anyone he wanted to see at any level of government.
"Bandy, how are you?" asked a peppy George W. Bush, moving towards the Prince as he walked into the Oval Office.
"I'm fine, Mr. President, the question is, how are you? I've heard recently that you have been quite ill." Prince Bandar moved away cautiously, not wanting to catch rabies.
"Really? I've never been better–just set a new personal best on the treadmill this morning. Doctors say I'm fit as a fiddle."
"Hmm, yes. In any case, I am here to confirm the administration's position on the Iraq war. I heard from Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld this morning, but I need to hear it from you."
"What did the Bobsey twins tell you?"
"Excuse me? Oh, well, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near Baghdad anytime soon, Mr. President, he-he. They were very...confident."
"I'm sure they were," answered the President. "I gotta tell ya, Bandy, I'm not as hopped up over this as they are. I mean, you know and I know that Sadaam has got to go, but...hey, did you know that fifteen out of the nineteen hijackers were Saudis?"
Not expecting the question, Prince Bandar wasn't sure whether to cry or throw up.
"Heh-heh-heh, I know you knew that. But the question is, what are we gonna do about it? The Saudi Royal Family is spendin' billions and billions of dollars in Pakistan and other places to create these guys that ran into our buildings and killed our folks, and I want that to stop, is that clear, or we're gonna have a far more serious problem than Iraq."
In all of Prince Bandar's years in Washington he had never been talked to like this. "Mr. President, I assure you, we are doing everything we can–"
"Bandy, I've known you for over twenty years. You've been a good friend of our family. But on September 11th, 2001, everything changed. I mean everything. It's my job to protect the American people the best way I can, and the guy that planned this thing was a Saudi, and fifteen of the nineteen guys that did it were Saudis, and the American people are wonderin' what the heck we're doin' goin' into Iraq when maybe we should just turn south and...aww, Bandy–shoot, listen–I want you to take this message back to Crown Prince Abdullah. Word for word. Tell him if he doesn't get a handle on the extremists in his country, we're gonna have to do it ourselves. Tell him if he and his family don't stop funding extremist terrorists all over the world, then we will take drastic action to make it happen. And tell him this, Bandy: He's either with us, or against us. There's not gonna be a middle road on this one. He can't play both sides anymore. You're the only person in the world that I would trust with this message, and I want you to make sure that he understands that I'm dead serious about this. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Mr. President." Prince Bandar was absolutely stupefied. This was one hundred and eighty degrees from what he expected to hear. Who was this man sitting in front of him? It looked like George W. Bush, and the voice sounded like George W. Bush, but this message...this was unprecedented in the sixty-plus years of Saudi-American relations. Did the Vice President and the Secretary of Defense know about this? How could they not? If they did, what kind of double-talk was this? And if they did not, what sort of schizophrenic government was running America?
On January 27th at the United Nations, Hans Blix gave his first report to the UN Security Council on the inspections. There were some interesting facets to the report. "After exhaustive searches, our team has discovered some 3,650,000 tubes of what appears to be fluoride hidden in toothpaste containers. We are still awaiting the results of tests from our lab. Some of these containers had never been opened. One of the most toxic chemicals known to mankind, fluoride is possibly the leading chemical health hazard in the making of atomic weapons. Our inspectors are still searching for the whereabouts of another two to four million tubes that remain unaccounted for, but seemed to have been purchased at local pharmacies. We call for the Iraqi government to 'come clean', as it were, and disclose the location of these tubes.
"Our sensors also detected a strong, unknown odor coming from within one of Saddam Hussein's palaces. After prolonged negotiations and much stalling on the part of Iraqi authorities, our team of experts was allowed access to the inside of the palace to discover the origin of the odor. We traced the smell to an immense closet in Saddam Hussein's bedroom, where the stench almost overpowered our technicians. The aroma turned out to be coming from a favorite old pair of tennis shoes worn by the Iraqi President–shoes worn without socks, we have determined–at least three times a week for the past thirty-five years. While personally revolting, this constituted no material breach in any international sanctions regime. Other than that, the most dangerous thing we found was several dozen boxes of Entenmann's Cinnamon Rolls, which contained toxic levels of five and six-syllable chemicals too hard to pronounce. We are still attempting to uncover how these tasty snacks evaded the UN sanctions."
"AHA! Did you hear that?!?" Dick Cheney was livid with self-satisfied fury rounding upon the President as they, along with Rumsfeld, Powell, and Rice, watched the UN proceedings on a television set in the White House conference room. "What's it going to take, Mr. President, with all due respect, to get you off your ass on this? The man's got enough fluoride to poison the entire world!"
"Next thing you know he'll be dumping it our water supply," added Donald Rumsfeld.
"I thought fluoride was in our water supply," said the President.
"Not at the levels, frankly, that we're talking about here. If Saddam gets desperate enough, he might cut a deal with bin Laden and the next thing we know there's millions of ounces of that stuff coming across the Mexican border. Simply stated, I think it's time for the Secretary of State to man up and present our case to the world via the UN {spit} and then let's get on with the war."
Colin Powell would have none of it. "Oh, I see, Dick. Since I'm the only member of this government with any credibility left, you want me to go up to New York and present your bogus case and lose whatever credibility I have left. I've read your flimsy excuse for evidence, and homey, I ain't playin'. Go up there yourself–both of you–you both go up there and make fools of yourselves, but I'm not doin' it. That is, unless the President himself personally orders me to."
George W. Bush was in a potentially sticky situation, but he knew where his heart lay. "You know what I think? I think since Don has spent the lion's share of time developing the plans and overseeing the entire project, the Secretary of Defense should go to New York and present the case to the world. Whaddya think, Don?"
"How long do I have? What are the parameters? Do I bring charts? What do we know about the room?"
Dick Cheney's right lip raised in an Elvis half-scowl as he shook his head. "Don, do you think if you do this you might be able to end a COUPLE OF SENTENCES with something other than a question mark?"
"Why? What's the problem? What's wrong with questions if they help me get to the answers?"
"We should probably send George Tenet to sit behind him and give him more credibility," said Colin Powell.
"What are you implying?" said Rumsfeld
"Yeah, and he can kick his chair every time he ends a sentence with a question," chimed Dick Cheney.
"Don, I would like you to stick to confirmed facts," said the President. "Only what has been thoroughly vetted. We're not gonna win with information that anyone with an internet connection can refute in a couple of minutes."
"What's that supposed to mean?" interjected Cheney.
"Dick, John Hinckley was not an Iraqi agent, I mean, c'mon. I heard he shot Reagan 'cause he was in love with that actress, what's-her-name?" The President had been stewing on this one for a while.
"We have credible information, in fact, that Mr. Hinckley was seen several times frequenting a restaurant in this very town that, in point of fact, served Iraqi food."
"That's an unbelievable stretch, Mr. Vice President. I don't even know of any Iraqi restaurants in this area," said Condoleezza Rice. "And it was Jodie Foster, Mr. President."
"Simply stated, Condi, you're not doing your homework. But frankly, that's what our fine intelligence services are for." The Vice President did, in fact, have a point.
"In any event," said the President with finality, "I want the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but the truth, Don, so help you."
The next evening, President Bush gave his State of the Union address. Much anticipation was building as it appeared that he would lay out the final case for war with Iraq. It was in this address that he uttered the sixteen words that would resonate so clearly in the coming fall: "I predict, on this night, that the Florida Marlins will win the World Series in 2003." The packed room full of Senators, Congressmen, Cabinet members, Supreme Court Justices, and dignitaries buzzed with surprise at this bombshell. It was supposed to be a rebuilding year for the Marlins.
The President talked about the War on Terror, specifically the gains made in Afghanistan; he spent a good deal of time talking about his grand vision for peace in the Middle East, which had to include a Palestinian state; he spoke of funding a vast new research program for alternative fuels; he pleaded with Congress to help him end AIDS in Africa; he even took a belated stab at convening a Presidential Panel on Global Warming. He never even mentioned Iraq.
On February 4th, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and CIA Director George Tenet headed to New York for the Secretary's presentation the next morning. Tenet was a mess. He smelled of whiskey, and he seemed to have a perpetual three-day growth of beard. "Gee whiz, George, get yourself together," pleaded Rumsfeld. "You stink."
"Splafm duhnnk," mumbled Tenet.
Millions of people around the world gathered around television sets and radios to hear what Donald Rumsfeld had to say. The President, along with Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, and Colin Powell, watched around a television in the Oval Office. The Secretary appeared confident and virile. He had brought a hi-tech presentation that was poised to seal the deal.
"Members of the Council: What do we know? What can we tell the world that we know? What do we know now that we didn't know two years ago?"
"Shit," said Dick Cheney. "Tenet's supposed to kick him if he started in with the questions."
"Look at the Director," said a horrified Condi Rice. Behind Donald Rumsfeld, for the whole world to see, was CIA Director George Tenet slumped over in his seat, appearing to be asleep, with a visible line of drool running down the side of his mouth.
"This ain't good, folks," said the President.
Rumsfeld appeared to catch himself in mid-question. "I'm here, by golly, to tell you people what a bad, horrible, rotten, nasty guy we're dealing with in Saddam Hussein. We have irrefutable evidence of several different kinds to present today. What kind of evidence?" An inadvertent snort from the snoozing Tenet broke the question string at one. "Well, what I can tell you is, even absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."
"What the heck is he talkin' about?" asked a befuddled George W. Bush.
"More Rumsfeldian logic," answered Colin Powell.
At this point Donald Rumsfeld held up for all to see what appeared to be a tube of Colgate toothpaste. "I hold in my hand here in front of the world undeniable proof that Saddam Hussein is hiding dangerous chemicals in plain sight all over Iraq. What is this, you ask?"
"We didn't ask, Don," groused Cheney.
"Why, it looks like a harmless tube of toothpaste, doesn't it? But don't be mistaken, or you will fall into Mr. Hussein's trap! This tube of toothpaste, when multiplied six or seven million times, contains enough of the dangerous chemical fluoride to poison the water supply of New York City, where we are today. Millions of innocent people, going about their business, thinking about their futures...all gone." Here Rumsfeld paused to take a sip of water, checking it carefully for signs of fluoride. "The inspectors found millions of these tubes all over Iraq. But millions more are unaccounted for. Where are they? Where did they go? Are they hidden?"
"Here he goes," said Cheney.
"Are they already on their way to this country, maybe coming across the Mexican border on al-Qaeda mulepacks?" At this point George Tenet fell face first onto the floor, which had the dual effect of waking him up, and stopping the question roll at four. Tenet picked himself up and sat back down, staring at the dirt on his pants, acting as if nothing had happened.
"Ya gotta admit George is doing what we asked him to do," mused the President. "Even if his methods are questionable."
"I now direct your attention to the screen on the wall in front of me," continued Rumsfeld, as a giant plasma screen was lowered into the chamber. "In this first picture, you will see the entire fluoridation process at work from beginning to end, stem to stern." The picture was an extremely fuzzy image of something that vaguely resembled a banana slug. "There is no doubt in any of our expert's minds that this is the smoking gun."
Another slide appeared on the screen. The image this time looked like a small, blurry Rorschach blotch. "Here, we see more damning proof of Saddam's perfidy. This is a satellite photograph of a canal used for testing the levels of fluoride needed to poison a water system. On the left of the canal, you can see an Iraqi scientist with testing instruments, and on the right, a prisoner being brutally forced to swim in the canal."
"Slam farking duhhnnkk!!" yelled George Tenet suddenly, startling the man next to him. "Fuggers!"
"Oh God," said everyone gathered around the White House TV.
Donald Rumsfeld took off his glasses and rubbed his right hand slowly over his face, trying to wish George Tenet away. "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, we've been patient. How patient? I haven't brushed my teeth in three weeks. Do you know how that feels? My wife sleeps in the den. It's been a tremendous burden on all of us. But I'm here today to say our patience isn't infinite. No sir, it isn't."
Rumsfeld then rose to a stirring peroration that could only be described as... Rumsfeldian. "In summation, what do we know? We know what we need to know. How do we know what we know? I just told you. Why do we do the things that we do when we do them? Because we're the United States of America and we can do just about anything we want to do, and who is going to stop us?" Rumsfeld looked around first at the ambassadors manning the fifteen Security Council chairs. "Any of you? How about you, Mr. Sierra Leone. Are you going to stop us? Didn't think so. You're lucky just to be sitting up here in the high-backed padded seats. Anybody else? Hey there, Mr. Russian Ambassador. Not so super now, eh? How about behind me?" Here Donald Rumsfeld turned around to the audience of diplomats, journalists, and bureaucrats assembled to hear this historic speech. George Tenet, head down, had both his middle fingers extended in the air and was mumbling, "Fuggin' a, man! Fuggin' a!"
"Nobody? Well, by golly, there's the only evidence we need, isn't it? The United States rests its case. Thanks for the coffee."
Reaction in the US mainstream media was uniformly ecstatic. It was widely agreed that Rumsfeld had hit a home run. Even George Tenet's unsightly display behind the Secretary was quickly swept under the rug simply as patriotic over-enthusiasm.
At the White House, Dick Cheney let out a big sigh of relief. "Thank God that crap is over."
Colin Powell dejectedly turned around and wordlessly walked out of the room. For him, it seemed like the end of a long road to defeat. Cheney and Rumsfeld had won, despite the awakening of the President. Condoleezza Rice was filled with foreboding. She stood in the direct path of the two runaway trains.
Stubborn ol' George W. Bush had other ideas. He wasn't sure exactly how he was going to do it, but he was determined to stop the Cheney-Rumsfeld train.
