The New Political Animal
By Brent Bourgeois
I would like to nominate a new animal to the American political zoo- the ostrich. Donkeys and elephants have had their way in this zoo for a long time, but I think the ostrich is too important now to ignore. The one characteristic that the ostrich is probably most famous for is burying its head in the sand. It turns out that it isn't true. They don't do it. They would suffocate. But let's, for the purposes of this essay, pretend that they do bury their heads in the sand. Most people whom I am considering to be 'ostriches' won't know that they don't, and furthermore, ostriches don't read these kinds of articles.
In America, donkeys and elephants spend a great deal of time and money yelling at one another. They actually yell past each other most of the time, on various donkey and elephant TV and radio programs, and on donkey blogs and elephant blogs. The elephants have had their way of things for quite awhile now, what with their big trumpet trunks. But the donkeys are finally yelling back, and the braying is getting louder by the day. America is separated into two distinct camps-- the donkey-lovers, and the elephant-lovers. Donkey-lovers are usually elephant-haters, and vice-versa. This is basically the two-animal system in political America.
In between these two camps is a humongous flock of ostriches. Some of these ostriches have reason to believe that they are partial to the elephants, some to the donkeys, although when pressed, they can't really tell you why. Some will tell you that they grew up in donkey-loving or elephant-loving families, and that's just that. Others just happen to live on one side of the divide or the other, and have simply become partial to either the trumpeting or the braying.
When political observers talk about the problems in American politics these days, they are almost always referring to elephant problems or donkey problems. Most recently, we have had a spate of elephant problems, but that's mainly because the elephants have run the zoo for the last decade. I contend that we have an enormous ostrich problem in this country. Ostriches are passive-aggressive, so it is hard to tell that they creating such turmoil. But they are. There are more ostriches in this country than there are true elephants or donkeys.
Ostriches would have a hard time finding Iraq on a globe. Ostriches have no idea what the difference is between a Shia and a Sunni. Ostriches are just starting to realize that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. Ostriches don't know that Iranians aren't Arabs. Ostriches are vaguely aware of global warming, but only to the extent that it has something to do with politics. Ostriches believe in the concept of liberal bias in the news, but couldn't tell you why. Other ostriches have heard that CNN is as 'left' as Fox News is 'right'. Ostriches would rather watch reruns of 'Joey' and 'Trading Spaces' than a Frontline documentary on the origins of trouble in the Middle East. Ostriches think Israel is probably right, most of the time, but they're really not sure why. Ostriches, to the extent that they've even heard of him, are pretty sure that Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is a bad guy, but they couldn't tell you why. They are also reasonably sure that Castro must have done something very bad for us to be so mad at him for this long. Ostriches believe at face value the history that they were taught in school- what little they remember of it. Ostriches get very upset (and this is where they would bury their heads in the sand) when 'radical' historians try to 'set the record straight' about certain unsavory aspects of American History. Ostriches are forever frozen in World War II visions of American Goodness and the fight for Freedom, Liberty, and Democracy, and have buried their heads in the sand for the last sixty years.
Some of my best friends are ostriches. Most of them are nice people. The worst thing about ostriches is that they are gullible. Their utter lack of knowledge of social studies means that they are extremely susceptible to political spinning. Their knowledge of the world extends only as far as the headlines. They are what Donald Rumsfeld would call 'unknown unknowns'. They don't know what they don't know. This allows the government, who happen to be the elephants right now, to go about their untidy business with virtual impunity, knowing that the other elephants and donkeys will cancel each other out with their trumpeting and braying, and the ostriches, when things get unpleasant, will bury their heads in the sand.
It has never been more important for American ostriches to begin to learn about what they don't know. The thing is, it's hard to convince ostriches that these issues are important. That's why they're ostriches. There may be an ostrich in your own home, or in your extended family, or next door, or certainly at work or at church. Maybe you play softball with an ostrich. The FedEx guy might be an ostrich. Wherever they are, we have our work cut out for us. We need to convince ostriches that they could play an important positive role in our democracy if they'll only get their heads out of the sand. After all, don't they know that they'll suffocate if they don't?
